What If Horror Movie Monster Battle #20 (Main Event) Gremlins vs. Critters

Hi everyone I'm Jack Red, originally I had to change who should take on Critters. Which ended up being one of my most popular matches in history of this series. Now I am going to surprise everyone by finally giving you the original fight I wanted to do. You heard me correctly Gremlins vs. Critters. I am aware a lot of people talk about this one. I felt I deserve a say in this particular debate.

Before I start giving you a quick run down of these creatures. I should mention the connection between these two. The same people thought of both Gremlins & Critters. They originally thought of Critters first but Gremlins got green lighted. They had to move Critters back a little bit. Make no mistake these two creatures are very similar in a lot of ways. This is one of the biggest scale horror movie matches anyone can do.

Gremlins

Originally different fur covered creatures with strict guide lines. Not following eating after midnight causes them to mutate into gremlins. These are some vicious creatures that came close of wiping out a town in one night. Easily one of the biggest in numbers among many horror movie monsters. Gremlins will find you no matter what.

Critters

Critters are aliens on the run from galactic bounty hunters. They go to a planet at random to devour most living creatures. These little monsters are responsible for a huge body count in the first two movies alone. You will be amaze at what Critters can truly do. Easily one of the most dangerous aliens in any horror movie.

Gremlins
Pros
+By default they're bigger
+Can multiply by touching water
+Superior numbers
+More willing to fight & kill
+Will use anything as a weapon

Cons
-Stupider
-Slower
-Critters can take advantage of them multiplying to kill them all
-Will struggle against bigger Critters

Critters
Pros
+Faster
+Smarter
+Has better body part weaponry
+Devouring things increasing everything about them
+Rolling together in a big ball limits what Gremlins can do

Cons
-More arrogant
-Not able to increase their numbers as fast as Gremlins

I do want to point out they removed a particular trait of Critters from later movies. Where the more they eat, the bigger they become. In this version of the fight I am allowing that ability to be used. I won't be including all the mutated gremlins in this fight to keep things fair. For example electricity gremlin or smart gremlin can quickly turn the tables on Critters. Also I should say don't take any of these creatures lightly. You never know if one or many are hiding in your house.

This is a rather interesting battle we got here. Both of these creatures are wild that doesn't respect any kind of authority. Despite all the similarities, there are a few major differences that does help deciding which one would win. Gremlins can quickly increase their numbers by touching water. The rate of this is much faster than Critter's eggs hatching a longer period of time. At the same time, Critters can easily fly a space ship. It doesn't take a rocket science to figure out the best way to kill the gremlins is during them multiplying. This would be very obvious to Critters to do. The more Critters eat, the bigger them become. Gremlins aren't bright doing some stupid stuff. They wouldn't realize by multiplying, they actually adding to Critter's fuel. In both Gremlins movies, humans has killed several gremlins. It would be no brainer the bigger Critters could do the same. Critters also has sharper teeth in comparison. They also have spikes that will paralyze anyone hit by them. Last I checked Gremlins doesn't have a counter for that. Gremlins also has no real defense against the giant ball of Critters. Either way you look at this, Critters are much worse to go up against.

Now do all of us a favor and destroy the bloody things!!!

What If Horror Movie Monster Battle #19 Michael Myers vs. Maniac Cop

Hi everyone I'm Jack Red, I really wanted to do this next fight since almost the beginning. Michael Myers vs. Maniac Cop is truly a fight that a lot of people would love to watch. Two of the toughest & scaring horror movie monsters ever. Yes I know a lot of people wanted Michael to take on Jason. But that has some major issues that does take away from the fun. Maniac Cop would even things out better in the long run.

To clarify I am only using the original Halloween series Michael. Although there is suppose to be a remake of Maniac Cop being made. But let's be honest those versions wouldn't give us this good of a fight.

Michael Myers

Michael Myers killed one of his sister early on his life. In his early twenties, he escaped from an mental hospital to stalk his own family. This guy has quite a reputation among many horror movie monsters. Michael has one of the biggest body counts among slasher villains. Even in his worse movies, Michael still impressing people in what he can do.

Matt Cordell aka Maniac Cop

One of the finest cops of his time, Officer Matt Cordell. Often nick named Maniac Cop due to how he deals with criminals. He got set up by the mayor of his city that led to his death in prison. In Maniac Cop 3, it does explains how Cordell kept coming back from the dead. He had help messing with forces of Hell. He wanted revenge, the people responsible to confess the truth and be the best cop.

Michael Myers
Pros
+Very silent
+More unpredictable
+Willing to use anything as a weapon
+Has more experience in killing people

Cons
-Weaker
-Not as durable to several things as Maniac Cop
-Slower

Maniac Cop
Pros
+Faster
+More durable
+More experienced overall
+Has superior default weapons

Cons
-Has difficulty with speech
-More predictable
-Relies on his arsenal

Oh man I bet you didn't expect this fight would be this close. Michael has more directly experience in killing people. As stated before he has one of the highest body counts in any slasher movie series. Maniac Cop does has some great advantages over Michael. Due to being undead, Cordell does have a higher durable body. Therefore he can handle pain to a greater degree than Michael. I should mention Michael is still technically alive. Maniac Cop has some tough to counter weapons at his disposal. Michael has a long history of being unpredictable. One occasion his surviving sister told a man dress up like Michael to cut off his head. Not realizing it wasn't her brother she killed. Also Michael will use anything he can find as a weapon. In the past, when people did that. He almost got killed meaning Michael could find a way to win this fight. Cordell does rely a lot on his arsenal. Michael is an expert at disarming people. Cordell does trump Michael in strength but not by much. Now I think about it, there's more ways this could play out including a crazy car chase. In the end it really does come down to whose more likely to have the upper hand. I believe Michael can easily take away the win. He barely makes any sounds which Cordell won't be use to dealing with someone like that.

What If Horror Movie Monster Battle #18 Death (Final Destination) vs. Pinhead (Hellraiser) Kill Face Off

Hi everyone I'm Jack Red, it's time to spice things up. I am going to change the rules for this face off. I do plan on having Death from Final Destination series taking on Pinhead from Hellraiser series. But a fight between them wouldn't be interesting & more likely to be boring. So I decided let's make it a Kill Face Off. In this face off instead of having these two battling each other like I usually do. How about I compare some of their finest kills to determinate whose more terrifying. Lucky I seen all of their movies to know which kills I want to compare.

Round 1: Tragedies vs. Being ripped apart

In most Hellraiser movies, Pinhead kills people by hooked their bodies from all possible angles. Then he suddenly pulls all of them ripping his victims to pieces. In comparison, a horrible tragedy with a lot of people dying occurs. Always one person within it foreseen what's about to happen & alters some people's deaths. At the end of some Final Destination movies. The survivors meet up in a location to only be killed in such horrible ways. The real question is which of these particular painful to watch kills being more terrifying. Honestly seeing again many times Pinhead killing people the same exact way is difficult to watch. In vice versa, when end of the movie tragedies happens. It plays out very quickly leaving no body to survive. Therefore I have to go with being ripped apart for Pinhead.

Winner: Pinhead 1-0

Round 2: Two girls burnt to death vs. Twin security guards kill
This is more about surprise multiple kills from Death that aren't tragedies. Kills like two girls in Final Destination 3 being burnt to death. There also exists an alternate version of this kill but both of them still dies. In Hellraiser: Bloodlines, Pinhead deserves one of my favorite kills in the series. Two twin brothers that so happens to be security guards of the same building. They do end up meeting Pinhead to get such a brutal death. It is so disturbing that I really don't want to get ban from explaining it even a little bit. I think you all can agree this round goes to Pinhead.

Winner: Pinhead 2-0

Round 3: Blown barb wire kill vs. Beheading kill
Both of these kills caught me off guard the first time. Blown barb wire kill quickly followed another kill. A explosion occurs that sends a barb wire fence towards a guy cutting him into pieces. In comparison, Pinhead cuts an descendant of the man that created the box by sending one of his chains. Which went right through his neck then opened a blade to quickly go in reverse. Cutting his head clean off that fell down a floor. This is one of my favorite Pinhead kills of the series. So which kill do I think was more terrifying out of these two? I have to say blown barb wire kill was more unexpected & painful to watch.

Winner: Death 2-1

Round 4: Escalator kill vs. Pillar kill

The word "helping" is key for these two following kills. On one hand, a lady is getting forced down into the mechanism. At the same time, one of her friends really tries saving her. But ends up not doing enough leading her to a brutal death. On the other hand we have a woman that just had sex angry at the guy. Out of no where, Pinhead from within the pillar of souls chains her. He removes his entire skin in one quick pull. Then he pulling her towards him absorbing her in such a horrifying way. Indirectly the guy helped killed the lady by pissing her off. Let's be honest both of these kills are very difficult to watch. I won't call you a cry baby from not watching these movies. I got to say out of these two kills I must give to escalator kill because it was much worse. Someone tried to save her but still ends up falling into those gears in such a brutal end to life. In that regard I must give this round to Death.

Winner: Death 2-2

Round 5: Massage kill vs. Club massacre

Before I start describing these kills. I did allow final kills of some Final Destination movies. It should be fair I allow the famous club massacre scene from Hellraiser 3. Now we got some brutal deaths to talk about. A man goes in for a Chinese style massage. But all kind of things goes wrong around him. Probably one of the most painful long kills in any Final Destination movie to watch. In vice versa, Pinhead goes inside a club to kill everyone. He traps everyone inside during the massacre. Sadly we don't get to see how everyone dies. The kills we do see are some of the most brutal Pinhead has ever done. For example a lady's water in her cup transforms into a big icicle to impale her face. Another kill involves five discs cutting into the DJ's head. Man Pinhead isn't holding back in this scene. Two of the most painful kill scenes to watch in my opinion. But which one will give victory to one of these legendary horror movie monsters? I have to say Death is playing a strong hand but Pinhead strikes back with a royal flush.

Winner: Pinhead 3-2

I could be doing this for hours but I really wanted to cover some of their finest brutal kills. When it comes down to the killing. Pinhead has an interesting way about it. Yes Death can do some ridiculous stuff. Some of which made me extremely cautious of several things. I believe Pinhead does have some difficult to watch kills that even Final Destination fans have to agree.

What If Horror Movie Monster Battle #17 Nemesis vs. Pyramid Head

Hi everyone I'm Jack Red, a lot of gamers knows many great gaming rivalries. One of the closest among them that hits home for me is Capcom's Resident Evil vs. Konami's Silent Hill. Two popular opposite survival horror franchises that greatly impacted gaming in general. Obviously both franchises got movies based on those movies. I am very aware a lot of people did their own take of this following fight. I still wanted to do it for my own reasons. I am here to have Nemesis taking on Pyramid Head.

I will be doing something a little different for this fight. Considering these monsters originally appeared in their respective video game series. I thought it would help even things out by including stuff from them for this particular fight.

Nemesis

Nemesis is an unique tyrant creature that has two different brains. One of them Umbrella has directly control over what Nemesis does. The another brain is the one Nemesis uses to achieve his goals. This creature is programmed to eliminate any former S.T.A.R.S. members. Nemesis won't stop no matter what to achieve his mission.

Pyramid Head

Pyramid Head is an interesting history within the town of Silent Hill. Originally they were executioners to punish sinners. Now they are powerful super natural beings. Usually appearing for mysterious reasons. Easily the most dangerous creature you could run into. Pyramid Head is possibly the most powerful being that isn't technically a god like creature.

Nemesis
Pros
+Tougher
+Faster
+Smarter
+Has more weapons
+His coat can tank some serious force

Cons
-None of his weapons can harm Pyramid Head
-If no tyrants are near by after being cut in half ends any chances of fighting

Pyramid Head
Pros
+Stronger
+Greatly limited to what can kill him
+Helmet is very durable
+More unpredictable
+Has defeated a superior being

Cons
-Wielding the great knife reduced Pyramid Head's movements
-His spear won't be effective against Nemesis

On paper this sounds like the perfect Resident Evil/Silent Hill fight. In reality this is a surprise stomp in favor of Pyramid Head. Yes Nemesis does have more weapons but none of them can actually harm him. Nemesis won't be able to fully understand exactly what he's up against. Pyramid Head is not a personal demon. He is more like an enforcer of Hell similar to Hellraiser's cenobites. Pyramid Head came from another plain of existence. Only being killed by a powerful being from the same plain of existence or committing suicide can kill him. Nemesis is very strong among many Resident Evil monsters. Hell he does have tentacles, a rocket launcher and Gatling gun. In comparison to Pyramid Head's Great Knife that weighs more than a car. Pyramid Head is actually physically stronger than Nemesis. Which also means if Nemesis doesn't avoid getting cut by the great knife. He can be cut right in half with ease on the spot. To sum it up, no matter what Nemesis does. Pyramid Head is simply too much for him to handle on his own. Even if I were to allow a couple Resident Evil monsters. The results would remain the same sorry Capcom fans but Pyramid Head is a true monster to worry about.

I also wanted to point out I'm way more into Resident Evil series. I loss interest in Silent Hill a couple of years ago. I do respect parts of Silent Hill for what it is. At the same time, in it's current state can't match Resident Evil.

What If Horror Movie Monster Battle #16 Stitches vs. Frowny the Clown (Clown)

Hi everyone I'm Jack Red, I figured to do another killer clown fight. This is going to be an interesting fight to say the least. Stitches from the movie Stitches takes on Cloyne from the movie Clown. I'm sure by now a lot of you are saying what!!! Yeah I really wanted to do this as one of my last fights for this series. An demon clown takes on a zombie clown now that haven't been considered before. Am I right kids hahahahahaha. Oh yes we all float down here.

Update: There is a song related to the movie Clown revealing his clown name.

Stitches

Stitches was a clown that attempted a kid's birthday party. He wasn't very good at his job. It didn't help these kids all being nasty to him leading to a surprise death. Six years later, Stitches came back from the grave to get revenge of those kids. He made sure each one dies related to what they did to him six years prior.

Cloyne

Frowny the Clown is an old legend about a demonic clown creature that devours children. A man named Kent McCoy was told a clown isn't coming to his son's birthday party. He decides to put on what appeared to be a clown costume. In reality these was actual the skin of a demonic being. The longer he stays in it & depending on how many children he devoured. The more of the man trapped inside becomes loss.

Stitches
Pros
+Smarter
+More powers
+More unpredictable
+Has weapons
+More durable

Cons
-Can be easily distracted
-Anything that happens to his egg, can kill him

Cloyne
Pros
+Faster
+Acting on instinct
+More willing to kill

Cons
-Easier to kill
-Quickly loses control

I am going to do a first for my blog series. I knew if I just randomly thrown these two into a fight. A lot of questions would be thrown. The scenario is a few years prior the same kids that played an hand in killing Stitches. At one point were also going to be attacked by Frowny. It is unknown how or what happened to that creature. This was before the crazy guy put that skin on. Six years later, Stitches raises from the grave to stalk those kids. Around this time Kent was losing control over his own actions. This creature found a way to the party. It seemed a familiar smell of those kids it once smelled. This caused Frowny to go into berserk mode. A lot of people got killed in the middle of this. Shortly a little while, Stitches confronts Frowny. Of course you know by now Hell is about to break loose.

I am going to be very direct to say this was one of the closest fights I have ever done. Both of them have a strange connection to a kid's birthday. Some of the most violent kills you will ever see in any killer clown movies was done by these two. Frowny is more like a giant angry dog than anything else. Stitches may not be the sharpest tool in the drawer. He does have more powers that does help him in this fight. Stitches also bringing clown like arsenal that could hurt Frowny. Both of them are surprisingly durable for killer clowns easily withstanding almost everything with ease. However how you have to kill them are very different. For Frowny you must completely cut off his head. For Stitches you have to destroy his egg that's hidden in a grave yard. This egg has a direct connection to his soul acting similar to a voodoo doll. Of course Frowny has no way of knowing about that egg. In vice versa, Stitches can decapitate Frowny very easily. In all honestly this was a great killer clown face off. In the end, Stitches simply had more going for him in this fight.

What If Horror Movie Monster Battle #15 Zombies vs. Demons

Hi everyone I'm Jack Red, there's so many movies with zombies & demons. In fact enough of them to fill up a large room. Everybody into horror movies has seen a fair share of these creatures. Obviously Deadliest Warrior did their take on Zombies vs. Vampires that was very good. I figured why not put zombies against demons to see which would come out on top.

Just to clarify I'm not including many famous movie examples of demons. I'm leaving the devil out since he could easily take the win. Also I don't have a lot of options who could face him.

Zombies

A virus outbreak occurs possibly affecting the entire world. The dead start to walk to devour those of the living. These zombies are acting purely on instinct & can't be reason with. Zombies has one of the highest body counts in horror movie history. They will continue to come after you regardless what's happening. Zombies are legendary among horror movie fans.

Demons

The polar opposite to Heaven's angels. Demons are beings from Hell that cause chaos anywhere they go. They can possess people turning the best of them into monsters. Demons has a long colorful history that still isn't fully explored to this day. These creatures only bow to Satan himself. Demons are also legendary among horror movies for some of the absolute scariest movies ever made.

Zombies
Pros
+Tougher
+Superior numbers
+Only one way to kill

Cons
-Weaker
-Slower
-Lack intelligence
-One week before their bodies breaks down
-Virus can't do much towards demons
-Predictable
-Wielding weapons doesn't really work for zombies

Demons
Pros
+Smarter
+Stronger
+Faster
+More powers
+More experienced
+Has ways around the zombie virus
+More unpredictable

Cons
-More weaknesses
-Too arrogant for their own good
-Loves to talk
-Not as many demons are willing to work together

Two of the most reoccurring horror movie monsters in history of cinema in a fight to the death. Zombies doesn't have much going for them in this fight. It is debatable which is actually tougher depending on things. Both of them have superior stats to a couple of humans. But zombies doesn't feel pain no matter what you do. Demons can still feel pain with holy weapons being the most effective. In that slight edge zombies are technically tougher. Demons trumps in most advantages you can possibly give any horror movie monsters. Of course the big question would the zombie virus affect demons? Not exactly since they are already dead that's possessing the bodies of the living. If the virus were to affect those bodies, they simply leave the body. Sometimes demons has spells or artifacts that can counter it's effects. I can't stress this enough there will be an army of zombies greatly out numbering the demons. But a few skilled demons can truly make the differences. Zombies lack most of their intelligence that demons can easily take advantage of. Therefore if holy weapons were within reach. Chances are the zombies would walk right pass them without picking them up. Demons has so much to bring to the table that it becomes incredibly clear. Demons are much worse to go up against than zombies.

Bad Horror Movie Sequel Wednesdays #6 Troll 2

Hi everyone I'm Jack Red, I decided to do Troll 2 for many reasons. One of the absolute worst horror movie sequels ever released. Although it has virtually nothing to do with Troll at all. This movie is widely known for being very bad in every possible area. A movie so bad a lot of people often gathered to watch it with their friends & families. I did mention there are people looking for bad movies. Troll 2 is one of the most watched among these groups. Let's be honest this movie is legendary in it sheer awfulness.


Troll 2 as stated before has absolutely nothing to do with the original Troll movie. Believe it or not there exists two different Troll 3 movies. I haven't seen those movies but even if I did the legacy to Troll 2 is too great to pass up. More like a garbage bag filled with hazardous stuff with some mess from several people. Now I apologize for being disgusting but that bag is miles better than this movie.

Troll 2 is about a family that recently moved to a town. You later discover this town's name is goblin spelled backwards. Oh okay Dracula did it first now goblins are doing it. What the hell is next guys? The goblins wants to eat humans in such a horrible fashion. I seen better bad zombie movies that made eating people more entertaining to watch.

Troll 2 has some of the worst acting of it's time. The goblins look worse than a home made costume done poorly. Every kill scene is strangely rememberable for the wrong reasons. Who doesn't remember "Oh my god!!!" scene? Troll 2 also has some of the worst usage of special effects in history of cinema. Everything about this movie is a suffering to the mind waiting to happen.

There really isn't anything good with this movie. Maybe if someone does a charity that involves watching it might bring some good. All I see if that happens is so many people are more likely to walk away knowing it is not worth the trouble. I for one do have a thing for charities. I would rather play Desert Bus for a charity than to watch this movie again I'm dead serious.

The entire movie is horribly done from start to finish. I honestly can't name a single scene worth rewatching. This movie is notorious for so many reasons. It is so bad that not even the cover hides from it's legacy suckage. Troll 2 is the very definition of not actually being a movie sequel. It clearly was meant to be a stand alone movie but the director quickly tagged it with Troll 2.

In an attempt to help get it out there faster. Instead Troll 2 became a movie so bad pretty much everybody agrees it's horrible. I doubt I could find a single person that actually likes this movie. I should mention the famous scene with a guy gets transformed into popcorn? Out of the possible creative ways to kill people, you chose to turn this guy into popcorn. It makes just as much sense as having a gingerbread man going around killing people.

Actually no I take that back I don't know which sounds stupider to me. This movie for all the wrong reasons deserves all the hate it gets. Troll 2 is nothing special among bad horror movie sequels. There really no real reason any sane person should sit through this horrible abomination of a movie. I highly recommend avoiding or destroying any copies of it you find. The world really doesn't need such a bad movie around anymore.