Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Jack Red reviews AVGN Adventures, AVGN Movie and AVGN II: ASSimilation Plus Bonus AVGN List

Caution cursing, harsh language and toilet jokes are contain in this blog entry. If you can't stomach them or get easily offended. Then please go to another site in peace. Thank you in advance as this was meant for fellow AVGN fans like me.

Hi everyone I'm Jack Red, recently I got to play AVGN II: ASSimilation on Steam. I figured to make an better review of the first game before I review the new one. Now both are officially AVGN games by ScrewAttack & FreakZone Games. I been an fan of the show since probably 2007 or 2008. As an bonus I will redo my review on AVGN movie. Eventually I will do an review on one of my personal favorite shows. But it's time to see if all of these are worthy of the fucking nerd.

1. The Angry Video Game Nerd Adventures (2013)

Over the years some fans made games based on the show. Most of them are okay with some being great. Such as AVGN Ko Boxing for an while was the closest great AVGN game. Then FreakZone Games came out with AVGN Adventures. In this game, The Nerd & his friends got pulled inside an TV. The Nerd became part of an shitty game inspired by so many games he reviewed. There are four playable characters each playing differently. The Nerd is the all around character as he's the second best jumper. His gun helps out a lot with the most angles to attack. Bullshit Man from You Know What's Bullshit series hands down the worst. He is the only character to double jump but he jumps the lowest. Bullshit Man throws feces at enemies doing more damage at everyone else. Yet he is the slowest character actually slower than the slowest enemies of the entire game. Mike from James & Mike show brings a lot of good stuff. Like Luigi in Super Mario Brothers 2, Mike is the highest jumper. Mike has the best controls of all the characters. He attacks oddly enough with an light saber with the fastest attack rate. But it's also the shortest attack range out of all the playable characters. Although it does kill zombies faster than those characters. Without question the best playable character is Kyle aka Couch Guy. It's true he's an skeleton but with an guitar. His attack range does variety depending where you're standing. But his weapon can attack multiple enemies & hit switches at the same time. Couch Guy jumps a little short of The Nerd but good for the most part. I highly recommend using him in flying portions of the game. It's an huge difference after playing as the other characters in those parts. Now I bet some of you are probably dying to hear my thoughts on the bosses.

Like some games like Mega Man series. After playing the first level, you can select one of eight levels. After beating all eight of them, you'll unlock the final level.

1. Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde (Assholevania)

James's most hated game forever left an mark on his soul. Now he must face it once more in his epic video game adventure. You can only avoid Mr. Hyde whose constantly jumping & firing projectiles. Once he transforms to Dr. Jekyll, he becomes really vulnerable. I'm not kidding he is the weakest boss of the entire game. I am glad I don't have to worry about death blocks. One of the few boss fights I enjoy.

2. Happy Unicorn (Happyfun Candy Time)

Clearly My Little Pony parody character. Mostly flying all over the place. You have to watch out for him as well at the open gasp in the middle. This boss also loves to keep saying I'm happy almost like this song come on you know it. Happy Happy Joy Joy lol enough of that shit. Thankfully this is one of the easier bosses to predict.

3. Skylar from Cybermorph (Future Fuckballs 2010)

Who doesn't remember that joke from Atari Jaguar Episodes? You are flying on an silver surfer board firing like most shooters that style. First you must take out all those identical heads which acts as an shield. After that her face becomes red getting piss off. At this point you should nail your controls in those portions. Otherwise you could be here a while since she gets very hard to avoid. Again thank you for no death blocks.

4. The Christmas Ghosts (Blizzard of Balls)

Almost everyone did their take on A Christmas Carol. One of the most remade Christmas stories in history. Of course The Nerd did his own version in two episodes back in Season 2. After riding Santa's body down, you face all three Christmas ghosts. Past, Present & Yet to Come aka Death in one boss fight. This boss fight was actually inspired by another boss in Bram Stoker's Dracula on Sega Genesis & SNES versions. Where you face all three Dracula's wives in the same style. They constantly circle around to keep following you. After an few minutes, they briefly meet up in one spot. You can only hurt them when they're close together. Again I'm glad there's no death blocks. But most of this area is slippery leading to a lot of accidental deaths. Plus there's an few gasps in between that will kill you. Thus making it even harder to fight this boss. I like the concept of it, very surprised this ended up in the game. I'm not an big fan of this boss fight but it's better than some.

Considering Ghost of Christmas Present was played by Handsome Tom. At the time, ScrewAttack had two guys running their website. Craig decided to cut him loose which led to Doug Walker aka Nostalgia Critic giving him his own website. Unfortunately not too long ago his website officially closed down. The point is these two weren't on good terms.

5. Demon from Super Mario Brother 3 Episode (Thy Farts Consumed)
This demon once possessed one of the greatest games. Now he's back to settle the score in this game. Like Happy Unicorn, he mostly flies around. At first an few death blocks comes from the bottom to the top. After getting him half way down, you'll have to constantly avoid all these death blocks. The boss itself isn't that hard compared to most bosses. But you still could die because it's difficult to stay on top of those death blocks & him. I do like this is taking place as both of them are falling. Clearly the best choice for an fire theme level boss.

6.The Giant Claw (Dungeons & Dickholes)

In my opinion the best boss of the entire game. The Giant Claw was stated in another video to be Rolfe's favorite giant monster. I know I don't need to explain how Manos & this are connected because The Nerd already did that. Unlike Skylar, this boss even with death blocks is a lot of fun. You can only move half the screen while avoiding long projectiles & you guess it death blocks. I love The Giant Claw's death animation the best. Upon beating him, he loses his head then dies right afterwards. You can only attack his head but the way you can go about this is what makes it so great. Personally my strategy is make sure you're playing as Couch Guy at that part. You can fire & easily avoid all hazards at the same time.

7. General Custer (Beat It & Eat It)

I tried finding an better picture so sorry in advance. One of the most controversial games in history. Where General Custer rapes an Indian woman while avoiding arrows. Guess what not much has changed because that's all still going on in this game. General Custer will I can't believe I'm about to say this his cum at you. You still need to worry about arrows as well as General Custer jumping around. The second easiest boss once you get the pattern down. At the same time what in God's name am I playing?

8. Freddy & Jason (Boo! Haunted House)

The second best boss fight for many reasons. So far an handful of bosses involve multiple characters. Yes hard to see death blocks are an problem at first. You are facing Jason wielding an chainsaw & Freddy's hand. This is inspired by four Halloween episodes. Jason only goes back & forward while Freddy goes up down pattern to both sides of your screen. After killing one of them, the other gets a lot faster. Keeping you on the edge like you already have been. Yes I died a lot fighting this boss yet I really like it.

Final Boss: Fred Fucks (Laughin' Jokin' Numbnuts)

Fred Fuchs was an developer of an Bram Stoker's Dracula game. On and off The Nerd would make jokes centering around his name. It's about time for the man himself to confront The Nerd about it. This man was the reason why The Nerd & his friends are inside Game Land. Fred Fucks has the most phrases of all the bosses. All of them keeps you on the edge until the very end. Like some bosses, you need to avoid gasps but spikes & his attack patterns more often. Even without death blocks, Fred Fucks is the hardest boss hands down. It always feels great kicking his ass once in an while. I mean he throws several spiked balls & shits on you all in one boss fight. He flies around with barely to no safe areas. I will say he was an fitting final boss but it's very difficult even on easy mode.

I really don't like death blocks especially in some levels. They got really carried away with so many of them. Some bosses are very frustrating for most to want to keep coming back to this game. I do enjoy most of the playable characters. I do enjoy it's soundtrack that works with every part of the game. Yes this game can be very difficult at times. You can't deny this was still his first official video game not counting Texting of the Bread. I love a lot of jokes in many episodes are done through out. It was meant to be difficult for an great number of games he reviewed are difficult. Therefore this was meant to be in his own words NES hard. I do have trouble coming back to it but I do like it for what it is.

2. Angry Video Game Nerd The Movie (2014)

This was heavily mixed by it's fan base. I thought it was an interesting take on an high profile video game myth. You know about hundreds of Atari games got buried in an New Mexico desert. Shortly after the release of ET & Pac-Man on Atari 2600. By this point ET was Rolfe's biggest request to date. Everyone on the internet really wanted him to review this game. Instead of doing an episode about it like most games. He decided to really step up his game by making it into an movie. What's interesting is no movie company would fund his movie. So he starts an funding event for his fans to support his movie. In turn we are the reason this movie got made in the first place. Sadly I didn't get to donate although I did want to long story. The Nerd decides to look into this myth himself. Which led to an conspiracy within our government, an alien & an god like being. Yes this isn't like most AVGN episodes where he's reviewing the games. The Nerd goes on an road trip to uncover the truth. I won't spoil the ending for those that still haven't seen it. I do however need to take about his review of ET. You have to go through the entire movie for it's ending credits just to see him review it. Honestly I don't mean this because he did an movie based on it's myth. At the same time as long he did review ET at some point then I will be happy. One of my favorite ending credits in more recent movie history. I like a lot of these characters especially General Onward. Almost every time I see him, I'm laughing hard. Who doesn't remember where's  my fucking arm lol priceless. Also I can't help going any further without stating the obvious. General Onward moves away like an small angry tank. Of course because I do need to talk about this in the next review of this blog. I might as well let the cat out of the bag. Just when you thought the movie was crazy enough. They introduce an god more powerful than both God & Satan named Death Mwauthzyx. Whose really over the top rivaling General Onward. I will say I thought most of the jokes were funny. In an weird way it reminds me of an earlier short firm Rolfe made. I think you know the one but for those that don't know The Wizard of Oz 3: Dorothy Goes to Hell. For an movie made by money donated I'm happy with it. Yes it might not be what we all expected it to be. But in truth this still was an great movie. I prefer watching it over playing the first AVGN game.

3. The Angry Video Game Nerd II: ASSimilation (2016)
The Nerd is back for more video game action. The same team behind the original AVGN game returns. You only play as The Nerd but it does make up for it in an big way. The story is an joke to many games he reviewed for not telling an great story. The Nerd was sleeping while most of the world became pixelated creatures. He wakes up to find out the world became very different & notices some of his stuff gone. The Nerd decides to save the world as well as find his stuff. He must explore several worlds inspired by many games, AVGN movie & other series. Upon beating each world, you'll get an piece of sexforce similar to orbs in Castlevania series. As stated before only The Nerd is playable. However he plays very differently from himself of the first game. He still moves & fires similar but in more directions with wall jumping. You can find his stuff that really improves the game play. For example getting his cape allows you to glide short distance. All of them makes him even better than Kyle in some portions of AVGN Adventures. Also added are cartridges in most levels that spell out NERD. Indirectly this is an reference to the first two Duke Nukem games. In the first Duke Nukem game you can spell out DUKE. In the second Duke Nukem game you have to spell Nukem instead. But you can collect all of them in any order which I love. Just like I did for AVGN Adventures, I will spend some time talking my thoughts on all the bosses. I won't be covering all the sub bosses in that area. Why they are so similar that I can cover one to do them all. They're really isn't much differences between all the Nostalgia Critic boss fights to both Board James & Nerdy Turd. I do like the jokes that centers around all of them.

Unlike the last game, AVGN II has an Super Mario Brothers 3 inspired map screen. Most worlds has four levels with an few exceptions. You must complete all of them to unlock Final Tower.

1. Mr. Bucket (Board James)

Still one of my favorite Board James episodes. When I first saw Mr. Bucket was going to be an boss. I was laughing very hard over it. He constantly spills coughs *balls* at you during the boss fight. Only twice Mr. Bucket will keep hitting the ground to have raining balls. Oh ok it's already difficult to talk about him. Especially after seeing that episode of Board James. But I got to be honest this was an great joke. It really hit home with me from start to finish. Thankfully none of these bosses has death blocks an huge improvement. We're already off to an great start folks.

2. CAT-209 (Nerd Gaiden)

An parody of Hello Kitty & RoboCop's ED-209. CAT-209 is an giant hot pink robot. You have to constantly watch out for stuff to hit or fall on you as well as it's projectiles. CAT-209 stands in that one spot in the entire boss fight. It is an little strict where to hit but the joke behind this boss genius. I just realized what was funny about it as I'm typing all this up. The easiest boss to predict in the entire game. Personally some bosses are more fun than others.

3. Battle Frogs (Browntown)

One of my favorite bosses in both AVGN games. Battle Frogs is an parody of both TMNT & Rare's Battletoads. They're names were jokes from Battletoads episode. You have to survive three frogs that has their own amount of health. Similar to AVGN Adventures' Freddy & Jason boss fight. After killing the last frog, their parody of Master Splinter challenges you. Then just one hit he's dead which is another recurring joke on his show. Honestly I love this boss fight with an passion. Everything about it not only works but one of the absolute best bosses. Plus an series of jokes in one boss fight that gets an room of people laughing. You know you did an great job at making an great AVGN boss.

4. Dracula (Monster Madness)

To clarify this character was inspired by Castlevania's Dracula. Everyone knows Dracula usually is the final boss. In majority of them having an handful of forms with little to no reason to explain it. In this case you face him like normal in his first phrase. Then he transforms from an vampire to an giant werewolf. Now we're at the second phrase where Dracula cleaning his ass like an dog back & forward. After that he transforms into an giant werewolf knight. The second easiest phrase of all those this boss goes through. Dracula moves so much slower compared to how fast he was going. He briefly dies to become his final phrase. Dracula becomes an ghost that has the second lowest health of all the bosses in both AVGN games. The big joke is usually in Castlevania series. Each later form of Dracula gets more difficult. In this game it's the opposite lol plus an vampire werewolf knight ghost wtf. Just like Battle Frogs, everything just works. I really enjoy how great this boss actually was.

5. General Onward (Area 52)

You now know I love this guy but I did expect he would be an boss in this game. How did I know you are wondering? AVGN movie came out roughly an year after the first AVGN game. Considering so many people love how crazy he was in the movie. I figured they could do a lot with him in this game. Hell yeah they did with some of this game's best jokes. General Onward moves very slow for majority of his boss fight. Just like AVGN movie, he does lose both his arms. I really like the team behind this actually attempted this joke from Star Wars episode. Darth Vader says stuff you expect until he transforms into an giant scorpion. In this case General Onward became an transformer lol I love it. You can easily avoid missiles thanks to these portals.

Final Boss: Death Mwauthzyx (Final Tower)

Death Mwauthzyx from AVGN movie is responsible for all this trouble. Who did you think it was Bugs Bunny lol. Unlike Fred Fucks of the first game, this final boss fight is perfect. Death Mwauthzyx will try grabbing you during it. Close to half way through, he will send robots after you at an fast rate. An reference to enemies constantly on screen joke. Then his so called babe magnet becomes an nerd magnet. An strong pulling will happen to try keeping you on the left side of your screen. You can only hurt his hands but wow Death Mwauthzyx. He looks very good in sprites blowing everyone away. It's funny in the movie, The Nerd couldn't do much at all to him. In this game he beat the most powerful being in existence. I smell another recurring joke an mile away. I really enjoy doing this boss fight every single time.

AVGN II: ASSimilation is an very good licensed game. I did honestly try liking the first game as much as I wanted to. This game blew all of my expectations away. It's rare for an video game sequel to be this good. For example Sonic 2, Fallout 3, Twisted Metal 2, etc... Again I enjoy listening to the soundtrack which is much better than that of the first AVGN game. A lot less death blocks with very creative level designs. I really like the map system as it took a lot of stress & frustration that the first game had. I also like his upgrades which were better than all playable characters of the previous game combined. With the possible exception of sub bosses, I really enjoy all the bosses. This game really felt like you were The Nerd in this game. I also like most jokes were better done with some being really funny. I really couldn't ask more for this game. It's so damn good that I would play it nonstop for an month than watch the movie. I am not kidding it's so addicting, well thought out and refreshing. Yes you heard me refreshing possibly the funniest modern game I ever played. Just barely beat out Conker's Bad Fur Day in it's humor department.

Now it's time for an bonus for those who are big fans of AVGN. This will go quickly because I already explained all the boss fights in both games. So I'm just listing it for the record of my favorite AVGN bosses.

Top 10 AVGN Bosses
10. Demon
9. Mr. Bucket
8. General Onward
7. The Christmas Ghosts
6. Dracula
5. Freddy & Jason
4. Fred Fucks
3. Battle Frogs
2. Death Mwauthzyx
1. The Giant Claw

I hope everyone enjoys my newer reviews on the first game & AVGN movie. This is my first time reviewing AVGN II which is an huge honor of mine to do. I already thanked the team in advance for making it. By now it's obvious go play AVGN II right now and I'm Jack Red, I'll see all of you later.

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