Warning the following blog post isn't meant for anyone under the age of 18. I recommend you don't read this comparison blog as it may content sexual to rather unpleasant context. Also this will be a lengthy blog post if you chose to stay reading all of this. You are a special kind of person that doesn't get easily offended.
This is going to be quite interesting, a lot of fun no doubt.
Both characters can urinate through different means, basically using their pee as a weapon. The Postal Dude can freely do so. On Friday, if you pee for a little while. You will be given a new task to cure your condition. In Conker's case, you have to go to particular spots to get drunk. Then you can freely pee on people in single player.
Also after a time limit not shown in either version, Conker needs to find another spot to get cured. Most Postal games are shooters while some sections of Conker's Bad Fur Day have shooting sections. At one point, both characters get tasked dealing with feces yes I'm not kidding. In Postal 4, one of three tasks within the sewers is clear paths blocked by feces.
In another task of the same game, you are collecting feces from a local restaurant around it's location. This is strangely interesting because in Conker's case, he needs to get cows to rip loose bathroom wise. Doing this allows Conker to move poo balls outside. In other words, Postal 4 you're cleaning up the sewers while you're virtually doing the opposite in Conker's case.
Conker gets help from an developer during the ending of Conker's Bad Fur Day. In some Postal games, The Postal Dude interacts with developers from Running with Scissors. I also need to point out Conker originally appeared in Diddy Kong Racing on Nintendo 64. Postal 4 does have some racing. More importantly Postal Redux got rereleased on Nintendo Switch.
Postal Redux and Conker: Live & Reloaded are newer, alternate versions of their original games. There is a cut scene if you die once in Conker's Bad Fur Day that introduces the lives system into the game. In Postal 2: Paradise Lost, The Postal Dude went to Hell then later escaped with his dog Champ. Both are also enemies to a famous terrorist group.
In Conker's case, it was the Tediz who are parodies of the Nazis. In Postal series, the terrorist organization Al Qaeda is based on the Taliban terrorists led by the late Osama bin Laden. Both had a blonde female companion, Berri was Conker's girlfriend. The Bitch is the Dude's ex wife who he later killed while in Hell. Berri got gunned down by Don Weaso.
Conker is a red squirrel while The Postal Dude has red hair including beard. Temporary both got transformed into an animal. Conker got bitten by his ancestor, Count Batula. He became a vampire bat that ended up feeding Batula too many villagers to transform back to normal. The Postal Dude delivered a package by passes out before leaving the area filled with chemical fumes.
He transforms into a cat with three cat related tasks. Completing them all, he transforms back to normal. Conker dealt with zombies in the chapter Spooky with either a shotgun or plowgun. In Apocalypse Weekend & Paradise Lost, The Postal Dude dealt with zombies. Both even got tasked with killing enough zombies to continue on the game.
Also in their games only destroying the head kills zombies. Conker has Anti-Gravity Chocolate as his health item. In Postal series, junk food as well as health pipe can heal you. A penalty will occur eventually among usage that will remove some health. Conker's Bad Fur Day, Postal 2 and Postal 4 all have their own hub worlds.
Defeating The Great Mighty Poo, Conker flushes him down. Among defeating Mike J in Postal 4, he gets flushed down a giant toilet. Both also got tricked going inside a barn or something similar. In Conker's case, he just helped Jack by feeding too much cheese to a mouse. He convinced Conker to go inside the barn where he got ambushed by hay characters.
On two occasions the Dude does travel around a farm. In the Dude's case, during Postal 4 among finishing his tasks. He ends up sleeping inside the stables with his dog Champ surrounded by donkeys. Obviously both are in controversial video games not much to say there. Both also gotten redesigned following a previous game.
In Conker's case, he got dramatically changed from Conker Pocket Tales because of criticism true story. In a weird way both have abandoned sequel stories. Postal III and Chapter X from Conker: Live & Reloaded as well as Conker's Big Reunion respectively. Both are alternate time lines features the terrorist groups our heroes are enemies of.
Originally The Postal Dude killed people in Postal 1, they dramatically changed him as well as the franchise being more comical as well as offensive for Postal 2 to up. Both also known for starring in some of the absolute worst video games in history. I'm not talking controversiality, I'm actually talking about games so bad. The internet widely aware of their existence for being very bad famous games.
Young Conker made exclusively for a device & Postal III respectively, even their fan bases hates them. Conker later became hated by his friends in the unfinished dlc follow up Conker's Big Reunion for Project Spark. In Postal series, it happens automatically I'm not kidding. It's virtually doomed to happen no matter which situation he's in.
Both also got to compete in a race where the goal wasn't about winning the race. In Conker's case, he got robbed by cavemen. During chasing them down, he collects his money back. In Postal 4, Vince tasks you to make sure the red racer wins. Although, he can still win the race forcing to fight his way out the building afterwards.
I should point out in both situations they race in place of someone else. Oddly happens because someone dies by accident. Speaking of money, Conker's only collectible is cash that talks. In Postal 4, The Postal Dude needs money because someone stolen his RV. He actually needs the money to get by. He does later buy a new RV during the ending of Postal 4.
Both also went to a graveyard involved with an older relative of theirs. In Conker's case, the graveyard isn't far from Count Batula's home. He also has a small graveyard behind the place too that has his own grave. In Postal 2, one of the tasks is pee on dad's grave in a graveyard. In Postal 4, it was later revealed to be his step dad's grave.
Conker had to do some jobs for Don Weaso which were forced onto him. In Postal 4, Vince acts like a mob boss. During escaping rednecks, Vince forces the Dude to do some tasks for him. Conker caused an Sunflower to get rape that somehow turns into pleasurable sex. Defeating a particular boss in Postal 4 leads to a sex cutscene.
I should point out you don't see anything but you get hear them doing it in both cases. This also includes Cat Dude doing a female cat as well. Both their game companies begins with the word R too. In 2005, Conker: Live & Reloaded and Postal 2: Apocalypse Weekend came out. In 2015, Rare Replay that includes Conker's Bad Fur Day and Postal 2: Paradise Lost got released.
Both their actions led to a puppet master's demise. In Conker's case, Conker pulled a leaver to open the airlocks while in space. This caused Professor Von Kriplespac to get sent out into space. The Boss revealed to be the Dude's dad chose to fight him. Of course, the Dude won he tried to save him. But his dad tried causing the Dude to fall to his death that failed.
Another reason I bring this up is both of them out played other leaders in the process. Professor Von Kriplespac tricked the Panther King into drinking an embryo that became a parody of an Xenomorph. Which led to his painful death. The Boss tasked the Dude to kill the other leaders before facing him in combat.
At the end of Conker's Bad Fur Day, Conker becomes king of all the land. In the secret ending of Postal 2: Paradise Lost. The Dude took out all the leaders then claimed Paradise for himself non canon though. In Postal III, one of the paths leads the Dude becoming the President of the United States. Which led to him firing nukes dooming the world, how is this the good ending?
Not to mention, Professor himself is a parody of Adolf Hitler. He did created the Tediz that ultimately loss because of Conker's involvement during the war. Osama appears in Postal 2, Postal III, Postal 2: Paradise Lost & Postal movie. Both Hitler & Laden went to war against another country leading to their respective deaths in real life.
I also want to point out in Postal 2: Paradise Lost you do have the option to kill Osama. In Postal III depending paths you may face him, Uncle Dave and former porn star Ron Jeremy. The alternative is all three of them gets murdered by soccer moms. Also in Postal Movie during the ending we see Osama & former president George W. Bush get nuked.
Speaking of the Tediz, they are a robot army that look like vicious teddy bears. In Postal 2: Paradise Lost, The Dude defeated an army of urinal robots. They later returned during the apocalypse. The Tediz returns in Conker's Big Reunion dlc. In chapter Uga Buga, Conker goes inside as well as around an temple underground.
In Postal 4, a task has you going underground to find a parody of the Crystal Skull. Conker defeated The Big Big Guy, a boiler with a huge ball sack. In Postal 2 as well as Postal III funny enough you get to face Krotchy as a boss. He is a dick shaped mascot that's referenced a lot in the series. Conker escaped the Dogfish in the chapter Bat's Tower.
In Postal 2: Paradise Lost, the Dude has to face Champ in Hell to cure him. Conker can use his tails to hover similar to Tails in Sonic series. In Postal 2 & Postal 4, there's cheat codes that directly references Sonic's speed. In chapter Bat's Tower, Conker had to piss on fire imps to take some of them out before the boss fight.
In Postal 4, there is a bonus task using a hose to put out fire on an building. You do get task with using the hose inside an casino due to a lot of fire. In chapter Windy, Conker has to deal with a bull named Bugger Lugs as a mini boss fight. In Postal III, the Dude faces Rhinos that acts similar to a bull. In Postal 2, the Dude does have the option to rob the bank himself.
In chapter Heist, Conker with his girlfriend robbed a bank that turned out to be set up by the Panther King. Count Batula was a vampire whose a parody of Count Dracula from the 1992 Dracula film. Originally added in as a joke for A Week in Paradise mod for Postal 2. This became part of the game by Running with Scissors, you piss on Zombie Dad's grave to cause him to come out of his grave.
After Sunflower's sex cutscene, she offers to give Conker a bounce off her breasts. In Postal 4, there's a couple female sex jokes including a collectible of Kunny dolls. Early in Conker's Bad Fur Day, Conker having drinks at a bar with his friends. A few times in Postal 2 & Postal 4, we see the Dude party with other people mostly Vince himself.
In canon, both characters use uzis or just one in Conker: Live & Reloaded's case. They also use an shotgun, an rocket launcher and an baseball bat in Conker: Live & Reloaded as weapons. Although in Postal 2: Paradise Lost as well as Postal 4 has a power up that temporary allows dual wielding. The events of Conker's Bad Fur Day occurs as one crazy mess up day.
In comparison, Postal 2 has two crazy weeks with a little over an decade a part from each other. Postal 4 also had a crazy week too several years later. In canon the Dude had three crazy mess up weeks. At their core, they're both parody characters with somewhat similar personalities. In chapter Bat's Tower, Conker has to ride Bugger to ramp into Cows until three of them dies.
In Postal 2: Apocalypse Weekend, you are tasked with slaying 20 diseased cows. The cows returns in another task in Postal 2: Paradise Lost where you need to collect their milk. A weirder connection is Mike J during both Apocalypse Weekend as well as Paradise Lost being a Madcow zombie demon. Speaking of that, in chapter Spooky we see Gregg the Grim Reaper trying to reap several undead Catfishes.
In Postal 2, Madcow disease cause zombies. Conker does roll a big ball of feces then placed dynamite inside that got devoured by a giant dung beetle. Which caused him to get blown up. In both tasks with feces in Postal 4, you do have the option to blow up feces. Conker gets knocked out a few times in Conker's Bad Fur Day.
The Dude gets knocked out after pissing on his step dad's grave. In most Postal franchise, the Dude wears sunglasses. In chapter Heist in a parody of The Matrix's Neo outfit. Which does changed between versions of the game. Conker does wear sunglasses up to a point. Conker wears a blue hoodie while the Dude wears a blue coat in Postal 4.
The fire imps inside of The Big Big Guy triggered self destruct sequence causing the boss to explode. Conker had help from Franky to destroy Haybot by pressing the same button a few times. Eventually causing Haybot to fully explode. The Dude threw explosives into his ex wife's mouth while in Hell blowing her up.
I also need to bring up in Postal movie The Bitch while cheating on the Dude gets blown up with a police officer. Conker had to face security guards in chapter Heist. In several tasks the Dude had to take on security himself. Conker collects a lot of money inside the vault. The Dude gets permission to take some money in a vault within Postal 4.
Early on Postal 2, the Dude does have the option to wait in line then robbers shows up or he ends up robbing it instead. Don Weaso tasked Conker running with a huge bomb then throw it to screw over the cave people. Conker tricks a baby raptor to get sacrificed. The Dude gets tasked with killing elephants in Apocalypse Weekend.
The Dude has his dog Champ, the closest creature Conker had to that was a raptor. The same raptor killed a lot of cavemen gladiator style. Both Champ & raptor are vicious creatures that scares their enemies. Conker had to use the tank against The Experiment. Later he used the same machine pulled from Aliens against the final boss, Heinrich.
A few bosses in Postal III were in vehicles. Conker throws up before the game begins. During the game play through pissing at people can cause them to throw up. Obviously cows constantly pooing during a mini boss fight. In Paradise Lost, we see an elephant take a massive dump on a protestor. It's worth noting due to criticism both franchises went into their current direction.
Conker witnesses some of the squirrel soldiers getting executed. Both Postal 2 & Postal 4 had people killing each other especially over dumb shit. Very true during the apocalypse that occurs three times in canon. A few Robo-Spiders got onto the tank then exploded following a boss fight. In Postal 2, a member of Osama's terrorist group kamikaze into a small group of priests.
During Apocalypse Weekend, Vince got someone to kamikaze to blow open the gate for the Dude. If you let Conker ideal during game play, he will start playing Killer Instinct on Game Boy. One of the Postal Dude's lines, "I know what you are thinking, I don't even like video games." Queen Bee gets Conker to return her hive twice using it's weaponry to kill the wasps.
During Apocalypse Weekend, the Dude gets tasked placing an nuclear warhead then start detonation process. Conker hits on Jugga, Buga's girlfriend. He ends up getting turned down, keep in mind he's still in a relationship with Berri. Although The Bitch left before Apocalypse Weekend, it was confirmed in Paradise Lost the two were still married.
This is interesting because the Dude cheated late Saturday in Apocalypse Weekend. Conker starts with an hungover that gets cured thanks to a pill he received on the spot. In Postal 2, if you get the extra Friday task. the Dude needs to piss into a machine that gives him a cure for Gonorhhea. Both Conker's Bad Fur Day & Postal 2 are early 2000s controversial video games people are still talking about today.
I covered so much just among their similarities. Even the differences between those is rather interesting. I'm not going to hide it, this quickly became one of my top Death Battle requests. I am really on board watching these two go at it. It has plenty of potential to being one of the absolute funniest episodes ever made period.
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